She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
