i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
