just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
