Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
