How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
