Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
