I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
