just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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