I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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