Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
