tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
