im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
