Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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