The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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