i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
