Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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