Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You pole danced in your parka.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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