Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
