Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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