I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We need a shit load of segways right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
