The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
two words...techno handjob
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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