so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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