I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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