drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
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