I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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