did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
