at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
