Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
