i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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