how can u be prego again
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
