Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
