Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
