hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
