I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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