the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
