I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
