His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
