I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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