Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
