Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize
