I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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