Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
