I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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