We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
