ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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