theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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