So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
