I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
