I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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