she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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