everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
