my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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