apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
