dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
