He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
