he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
