Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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