Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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