carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
