Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
