You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone came in the potted fern
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
