i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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