C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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