I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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