your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
